Dot Com Note » Marketing and Advertising

Holy Shit! Internet Marketer Promises “No More Hype!”

Dotcom Note — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:07:40 +0000

Breaking news, folks. I just received an email from an Internet marketer and he is promising “no more hype!” I received this email just now. He wants me to watch a video. OMG, another video. He then starts defining what is hype. He could have asked me to do a Google search (define: hype), instead, he wanted to take a crack at defining what is hype in the email.

: Image via Wikipedia

He talks about how he set small goal (for example making $500 a month) when he started his internet marketing business. And he was making good money. Now everybody wants to make millions. “How can everybody make millions if they cannot make $500″, he asks. Well, he has a video explaining this conundrum.

He wants me to watch the video. According to everybody (who is everybody? I don’t know), this is the best video he has ever made and he is shocked to hear that. I assume that he was thinking this particular video was crappy like all his earlier ones but he was shocked when everybody had great praise for his latest voodoo.

He goes on (in the email. I have not yet visited the site yet). Now he is starting to understand why everybody has good words for the video. Do you know why? Because his latest creation does not talk about hype and fat. It goes straight to the point.

Now, you know what I should do. Wait 5 minutes. This video must be short and to the point, as he promises in his email. I am heading to his site. I will watch the video and report to you all in five minutes.

… (After 10 seconds)

Fuck it man. This is the same site Income Kick Start that teaches you yearlong email spamming business. This is the same guy who made millions from a hospital bed.

Any way, good luck to you all who aspire to make $150,000 a year from a hospital bed.

GMail Mind Tricks Will Make Your Head Spin

Dotcom Note — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:57:57 +0000

I got this email from a guy who sends me useless offers to make millions almost everyday. He is well known in the Internet Marketing circle. Let’s call him Mike. He tells me about his imaginary friend (or may be real) making a killing using GMail Mind Tricks. I must check out this incredible system if I want to put some money in his buddy’s pocket so that he can make his first million.

: Image by Gullig via Flickr

With the advent of the new year, the Internet marketers have stepped up their game by producing even more boring and useless videos, claiming to make millions of dollars and asking you to give your credit card to them so that they can truly make millions. One guy is even claiming to make 100 millions a year. Wow! May be he is on his way to become a billionaire by the year end. But I’m sure he will make at least his first million because lots of people fall for this kind of trap.
Well, enough said about the Jedi mind tricks these marketers play to influence you for parting your money.

As my readers know, I am a great sucker for this kind of offer. I immediately clicked on the cloaked link to land on the Gmail Mind Trick site. My horror started immediately. The video on the page does not have any stop and fast forward button (you can click on the video to stop it).

Let’s call the announcer in the video and also the creator of this super secret Jedi mind trick technique as Jedi padawan R. He is going to divulge his top trade secrets to you. “What is his secret”, I wonder. He is going to have the video for a short time only because he wants to move on to developing other useless products once he has made enough money from you.

This guy is fond of asking you useless questions that start with exactly. For example, “how do you know exactly what your customers are thinking?” and many more exactly bull crap.

Once you know the answer to these “exactly” questions, you can offer them “exactly” useless product through the AdWords ads in GMail to get “exactly” others money. He continues his presentation by telling you that online marketing is hard unless you know the answers to these “exact” question. But don’t worry, he is going to reveal the answers because he is the enlightened one. Of course, you need pull out your credit card for that privilege.

His method solves the three dreaded pitfalls of online marketing, i.e. sending wrong message to the wrong people at the wrong time. He has magically solved that problem. You will be able to tap into the innermost desires of people to sell your products and services that have absolutely no value to users.

He even gives you an example of how to torment people thinking about divorce by shoving useless info products, collected from all over the Internet, on their throat. Nice trick. This guy gets my Kudos.

Okay, enough said. How much do you need to get a hand on his super secret GMail Mind Tricks techniques? He used to charge $10,000 in some imaginary seminar. Or may be some real people who have lots of money to waste have given him that kind of dough. But as an enlightened one, he has become extremely generous and you can have it for a mere $97 now.

But, be aware. You may may be shoved with more offers in your throat when you intend to purchase his trick because I assume he has learned all the marketing techniques from the Jedi master.

Wait, here is the last word. You may not make a dime using his super secrets. That’s what his site says.

Want to know how to advertise in GMail? Here is a free instructional video.

Make Billion Dollars Online Using Health Business Confidential

Dotcom Note — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 04:35:10 +0000

Not content with million dollar promises, marketers are now ratcheting up their voices towards the big B – yes, you heard it right – the billion dollar. I don’t know who sent me this email, and I really don’t care, but this one is about running a 7-figure health related business from the comfort of your home and it is Health Business Confidential

: Image by seiuhealthcare775nw via Flickr

“Remember – unlike many niche markets, health is virtually unlimited – and there’s no end to the potential customers, or moneymaking opportunities.”, the email proclaimed.

And no one knows about how to make money from health business better than the two Gurus featured in the video on the landing page of the website where the email directed me to. These two guys used to give live seminar type lectures on making money for $10,000 a per person. And now they have become extremely generous and are willing to give you a DVD about the health industry and how to make money from it for FREE.

Why are they giving it for FREE? Because all those people who attended those seminars (and went into $10,000 credit card debts) are urging them to continue the seminars so that more people will meet the same fate.

But they have decided not to continue with the seminar. Instead, they choose to give the whole course for free. May be they got the idea after enrolling in some mind control Jedi training.

This exclusive secret information is all about your own branded information and nutritional products. But you need customers to sell those products. So, you will also learn how to use tele-seminars and social media to drive traffic to your sites where you sell these products.

There is another video that you can watch as soon as you enter your email address on the landing page. This video shows a red Ferrari. And it tells you that you should call a dermatologist and interview him/her and put it in your blog to sell acne products. The video also talks about how lucrative is the weight loss market. Now you know what kind of people these guys are targeting.

They claim to have done a lot of research on

Contract manufacturing and nutritional supplements
Fulfillment companies
Call center
Web site design
Copy writing
Direct mail
Internet marketing
… and much more

And they will present you that information, nicely packaged, for a monthly subscription fee to their membership site. But wait. I said that it was all free. Sorry, I was wrong. What you get for free is hours and hours of video that will show you expensive vacations, luxury cars, large beach front houses, etc. that are waiting for you as soon as you sign up for their membership site.

Darn it, I am wrong again. Even those videos are not free.You have to pay $9.97 for shipping and handling to cover their video production and pre-launch costs. And here is the surprising part. As soon as you order those feel good videos, you are automatically enrolled in a $97 monthly membership site where you will learn all about health industry, internet marketing and how to make money from health industry using internet marketing.

I think these guys got tired of delivering their $10,000 seminars and settled for a membership site. Before you sign up for the membership site, I urge you to read the earning disclaimer that basically tells you that the information you will receive may be totally useless for generating any money. If you cannot make any money using the information they provide, you are a stupid person. So, good luck with making billions using Health Business Confidential program.